What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 00:04
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Is it true that schizophrenia can sometimes be a demonic attack or black magic?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I waited trembling.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
All the time i was locked up.
Why The Simpsons stopped producing Maude Flanders episodes?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
What's your photograph of the day 1097?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
So whats the point in blame.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
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He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Why does Islam give a bad vibe?
I could never make a relationship work though!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Why is blood sugar ranging from 70-180 in a day and checked through a glucometer?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
This is soul school!.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
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Was to survive, this bastard.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Why do people love to live alone in a house?
I was very sick at this time too.
She loved him until the end.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She married twice! .
We all went to grammer schools
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
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We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But ive been too sick for many years..
What did i know ?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Especially a lifetime of it.
So, i spoilt her more .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He knew the spot.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I think the readers, may guess!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
One cannot live in the past .
She was in good health!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Who then, do I blame.?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I said to her
We were not on the streets..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Ive learnt so much.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
When she asked me how she looked .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Comes on , in middle age.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But it wasn’t much.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My life is so biszare .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Im still living with it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was scared of men, in general
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My family never makes their pension either.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Put me off passion for life!!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
(And it was in our own minds.)
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And i lived it daily.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He resisted the act ,that day.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But, we were locked up after school.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I write beautiful poetry .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I never cut or harmed myself..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was seconnd youngest,
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She wouldn,t have been !
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
As i do to all so called friends.?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Would this be the day?
I don,t even have a pension.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She found it foreign!.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was 9 years of age.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
It was going to be , some day.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I have no regrets .
I will be 64.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.